Some Things I've Learned

Happy Birthday, Dawnee

2009-02-28T13:39:00.023-07:00

Today is Dawns birthday. It's a day of thanksgiving for me.
Look at this picture; the eyes looking right through you, that set of her mouth, and the set of her chin - ready to take on the world - sure that she'll win.
And she did, and she has, and I've had the great privilege of being by her side most of the way.
From the few pictures we have it is clear that Dawn was a beautiful, happy child and young woman.
She grew up in a large family, the youngest of 8 children.

She was close to her Mother, who died when Dawn was just 13 years old, leaving a very big empty space that has never quite been filled, even today.
We have a lovely picture of Dawns Mother, Hazel Henninger, when she was a beautiful, young woman. I tried adding it to this blog but, for some reason, it wouldn't load.

Hazel had heart problems from her youth, was advised to have no more children after the first, and then went on to bear eight wonderful sons and daughters.

Dawns Father, Joshua Brown Gunnell, was a stalwart, honorable man who also gave everything for his family. He died at age 74, watching a grandson playing football.
Josh and Hazel left a strong, delightful family now numbering well over 400.

All eight of the children became intellegent, stong, contributing, gifted adults; living lives of service to others and to the Lord; and rearing large families themselves.
The women of the family are still beautiful today. The eldest died nearly a year ago, but was, like her sisters, a beautiful woman every day she lived.
The men of the family are staunch, stalwart, good looking men.
They are all getting older now, but the years are doing nothing but add to the strong characteristics of the family.

I first met Dawn where she worked at the Sociology Department at Utah State University.
It was during the summer and she was working as a secretary for the Department.
I was with a friend who knew her, and we were just there for a minute or so.
I wanted to be sure I saw her again, but I was working for the Forest Service in Eastern Idaho that summer and so my wish had to wait for school to start.

Well, my wish finally came true several months later at the beginning of spring semester when I found we were in the same institute (religion) class twice a week.
She was so pretty and always with her friends;
...it took all my courage, but somehow I found her home phone number and called.

She knew who I was from the institute class and we talked a little -
and I asked for a date for March 1st, not knowing it was her birthday -

...she said no.

So after the waiting and planning and drumming up my courage, I thought: so much for all that.
But then she somehow gave me to understand it would be ok to call again.
So I called very soon,
we went someplace with some friends,
I never left her door without another date,
and I never dated anyone else again.

This picture was taken the day we became engaged.

We've had a wonderful time together since then.
We've worked hard. She has moved here and there with me.
We've had lots of fun along the way.
We've been blessed with the best of children, who have all married above themselves.
We have a dear, quite marvelous family - 44 of us now.

We've laughed a lot, and cried a little.
She has made me strong when I needed her to.
All things considered, we've had a wonderful time.
Now tell me, is the look in this picture not the same as the first picture at the top of the page?
"The look in her eyes, and the set of her chin;
"We'll face it together, we'll fight, and we'll win."
I've loved her dearly since we were dating. I don't understand how this works, and I don't know how it's measured . . . but I love her a lot more now than I did then.
Her kids and grandkids will come to see her tomorrow, or they'll call if they are far away.
Her Sisters and Brothers will call.
I HOPE SHE HAS A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY

This picture was taken December 1, 2008.
We were at a Christmas Party with her brothers and sisters and their wives / husbands.
We were the first to sit for a picture, and she leaned over and snuggled against me - and I felt like a million dollars.
It's been a grand journey, and we still have a long way to go.
I'm very excited with the prospects of what is to come.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAWNEE !!

Romances of My Youth #1

2009-02-28T08:22:00.006-07:00

A POEM FOR GINGER

We stood by the gate as the sun went down
Behind the hills on a summer day.
Her eyes were tender, and big, and brown;
Her breath was sweet, like the new mown hay.

Far from the West the faint sunshine
Glanced, sparkling, off her golden hair.
Her big brown eyes were turned toward mine,
And a look of contentment rested there.

She was young like me, and tall and straight,
And we were friends for a time, she and I.
She liked to play, or stand by the gate,
Or walk back and forth 'neath the summer sky.

I remember with fondness her standing there.
I can see her standing, peacefully, now.
Peacefully standing, and chewing her cud,
As I rubbed her ears, that young Jersey cow.
Multiple Authors

Uphill Both Ways

2009-02-21T10:13:00.001-07:00

JoLyn has a neat idea on her blogsite "Uphill Both Ways" where you can vote on some one liners that have been submitted about a picture she posted. I hope you will all check it out and vote. http://www.upbothways.com/

Success Report

2009-02-21T07:44:00.002-07:00

I'm very pleased for Dawn this morning, and excited for her. Your Mother, Grandmother, Great Grandmother, and Friend did it !!

Sometime back there she set a goal to have excercised on WII Fit for 200 hours by her birthday on March 1st. Well, today is February 22nd, she is in there excercising right now, and I just looked at the screen on her TV. She has now excercised a total of 200.14 hours !! Can you believe that ? She did it !!!

I shouldn't be surprised, and I'm not, really. I've learned long ago that if she sets a goal for herself she will always do it, no matter what. She would consider it breaking a promise to herself, I think, if she didn't accomplish what she set a goal to accomplish.

But that ain't the half of it. She looks so good ! She feels better. She has more spring in her step. She feels good about herself. And, of course, nothing fits, so we're buying new clothes. I guess there is a price for everything - well earned and very happily done.

Celebrating Valentines Day

2009-02-14T10:59:00.024-07:00

Valentines Day 2009.

I will just post some pictures today that speak about love and friendship

Dawnee and me.

This was taken at Christmas time 2008. I'm 76 and she is 70. She is more beautiful than when I met her. And I love her more.

Dawns Parents Larrys Parents

Marriage in the Temple

2009-02-14T09:39:00.004-07:00

I just want to tell you a little bit about how to handle things when you decide to get married. There are some things that need to be done ahead of the wedding day.

You will need to call the Temple for an appointment. The earlier you call the better chance you have of getting the day and hour you would like.
You can request a particular size room so all your guests will have a seat. The rooms are not large, so you should carefully limit your guest list to family and very close friends.
You can request a particular sealer if you wish to. That request should be made to the temple when you call, and also to the particular sealer you have chosen plenty early for him to schedule and to get permission if he needs to. General Authorities can seal in any temple. Regular sealers, or sealers who are retired from regular sealing, are assigned to only one temple. They can seal direct descendents in any temple but must receive permission from the First Presidency to do so - and that takes a little time to get letters back and forth.
You will, of course, spend a good deal of time with what to wear. Please be sure you dress as recommended and that you school your desires and feelings, your attitude, to be in tune with that - so you feel good about it. If you come to the temple feeling excited for this wonderful opportunity, and willing and anxious in every way to to be ready for this experience, you will feel the Spirit there and leave with wonderful feelings inside, and ready to face the world together.

This is just a thought or two I've had as I've observed things at the Temple.

The Lord and me - and you.

2009-02-14T08:58:00.007-07:00

I’ve tried to imagine, and can’t really, the great wisdom, power and majesty of the Lord in His dealings with us. Or perhaps I should say, in the way I have come to believe He deals with us.

This is kind of where I’ve come to in my feelings about that:

We know we are here on the Earth because we wanted to be like our Father in Heaven; that is, to have a physical body and to prepare it so it would be in a condition that would allow us to take it back with us to the condition He lives in – to be like Him, and have the freedoms and wisdom and power that He has acquired. We wanted to have an eternal companion and family, like He does. We wanted to be like He is and do as He does.

We chose to come here. There are those who chose not to come. I don’t know exactly how they went about making that choice, although I doubt it was their goal to not come here, to not have a body, to not have a family, to not be like our Father. I imagine they were told, and somehow believed, it would work the way they wanted it to, and they would be the ones who would be here. But, in the wonderful, fair, freedom of choice, majestic process that took place there, we all made our choice – and they chose not to come – and they lost everything, and they have come to hate us, are now trying really hard to keep us from getting back there. And they have drummed up plenty of people who did choose to come who are helping them do it. Some of them pose as our friends.

We chose to come. The scriptures tell us that we rejoiced to come. That suggests to me that we were pretty confident we could make it back. We at least wanted the chance to try. I suppose we each had our own feelings and reasons and such. There were probably those who were humbly uncertain but felt if the Lord would help them along, as He promised He would, they could maybe make it. On the other end of things, there might have been those who proudly felt they wouldn’t have any problem – ‘just hurry and get me down there and I’ll be back in great shape’. And everything in between.

The Lord is helping us, every one of us, every person born on the earth, in every possible way. Sometimes He helps us directly. More often He helps us through our parents and other people. We know some things about that and I believe it suggests a number of things.

For example: Every person born on the Earth is blessed with the ‘Spirit of Christ’, and is thereby taught truths and is led if he/she will allow it.
Everyone ‘knows’ right from wrong.
Everyone ‘knows’ and recognizes the basic truths of the Lords Plan. Consider how, after centuries since the true gospel has been taught, and in spite of being taught false concepts, people ‘recognize’ or ‘remember’ the fundamental truths – what the Lord is like, what we’ll be like after we die, life didn’t begin at our birth, how we should live and treat each other, etc.
Everyone, worldwide, receives answers to his/her prayers. Some people recognize that and respond, others ignore or deny it, or don’t pray very often even in their mind and heart. But when they do He answers and they really do know it.
Everyone receives the Lords help in every way that individual will accept it. For example, if a person responds to the guidance of the Spirit of Christ they will find the truth and accept it. They will then receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, and, if they live what they have learned, have the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.
Everyone is treated equally. Over the course of the Pre-existence, Mortal Life, and the Spirit World every person has every chance, and receives all the help he/she will accept, in the process of becoming like our Father.

And when it is time to be resurrected and judged by the Lord we will all have been treated equally – and more by far than that, we will each one, everyone, ‘all men’, have received every help, all the help, that we would accept. If we fall short to any degree it will be because of our own choices, made in whatever manner we make them - there will be no place for blame. We will not feel to blame the Lord or any man, for we will then know that we were given every chance and every help that we would receive. All men, all women, all mankind, every individual, everywhere.

And now back to why I’m writing this – back to the first sentence or two. Is it possible for us to even imagine the wisdom and love required of the Lord to conceive a way for each one of us, as we deal with the challenges we each face, so that we will, each one, everyone, say, at the time of judgment: I was treated fairly, and I received all the help, every possible help, from the Lord that I would accept. I don’t have the ability to understand the depth of knowledge and feeling and wisdom, knowing myself, and my dealings with children and others, how He can always, every time, do all that can be done to help me and not, in mercy or tenderness, do too much for my good, or, in His desire to help me or in the need to teach me, do too little.

But I know He does just that. I know He has dealt with me that way. I have had every chance. I have been presented with every possible help. Sometimes I have chosen to receive His help, sometimes I have not. Some time ahead I will fall at His feet and weep – many tears of gratitude and joy for what He has done for me, and perhaps some tears of regret because I didn’t respond to His offers of help.

Talk up-front

2009-02-11T20:11:00.004-07:00

Maybe nothing tells more about us than the way we speak. They may judge us by our appearance until we speak, then our appearance is muted, and we are as we speak.

We may have been told to enunciate, to talk slower, to speak clearly, to not run the words together, and so on. I now suggest, regardless who gave you the instruction, that you toss it away, forget it, ignore it - and let me give you a simple but magic rule that will remove the need for any further instruction or correction. You will be admired for how well you speak.

I will give you the rule in a few simple, uncluttered words. Learn the rule and apply it. Everything I say before I give you the rule is simply to help you know the importance of how you speak, and what I say after is to help you apply the rule.

The author of the book called this rule the "talk up-front" rule. The rule is this:

Form your words with your lips, your teeth, and the tip of your tongue.
Feel your words being formed as you speak, right at the front of your mouth.

That's it. That's the rule. That's all. Don't expand on it. Practice this rule and forget everything else you know about how to speak well.

It will take some practice. But as you do, you will find that you are enunciating each syllable properly, you are speaking at the proper speed, you are forming each word and never "running words together", and all without focusing on any of that. And you won't sound like you're trying to speak better. You will sound very natural and as a well educated, sensible person would speak.

It's been years since I read the book. The idea is the only thing I remember. So it's one of those things that become your own after a time, and the words to explain it are also your own. I'm convinced it's all you need to know about speaking well.

Posture

2009-01-25T17:35:00.003-07:00

When I was in the 9th grade, which was high school in our school district, we had a new family move into town. They had 3 sons, ages of about 4, 3 and 2 years my senior. I immediately liked them, especially the younger one. The two younger ones were a lot alike. They walked kind of slouched over with their hands in their pockets. I thought that looked cool, so I started doing it.

By the time I was later in my sophmore (10th) year of school I began feeling really bad about my posture. The farmer I worked for told me he'd like to tie a board to my back to straighten me up. The thing he didn't know was that I had been working on my posture for months, and I couldn't make any significant improvement. When I wasn't consciously thinking about it and working on it, I would return to the kind of slumped position.

Well, I worked on that for years. I still work on trying to have good posture, and I'm still very conscious of the effect that year of carelessness when I was a boy has had. One of the things I like about WII Fit is that they encourage and emphasize balance and posture, both of which are so very important to our health, participation in various activities (sports, dancing, etc), self confidence, etc.

I guess that was a very important lesson to me: be yourself, be your best self, adopt characteristics and habits that will help you do that - but don't copy foolish, damaging things that seem cool for a moment.

Years later I came across a book that had a very good chapter on posture, with a unique but wonderful suggestion for maintaining good posture. I think I taught it to all our kids. This is the suggestion:

1. Imagine you have a large, helium filled balloon tied to the top of your head, immediately in line with your spinal chord. The balloon is large enough that it almost lifts you off your feet, not quite, but it makes you very light on your feet. It makes it easier to walk up a flight of stairs, it stretches the muscles in your neck and seems to lengthen your neck. It stretches the muscles in your sides by your ribs, it makes you want to stand on your toes. Try it, let your imagination work, don't be skeptical or say, "that's foolishness".

2. Now, with the balloon in place and doing it's job, relax every muscle in your body. Don't worry, you won't collapse for the balloon is holding you straight up. Consciously relax your shoulders - feel them relax. Don't try and keep your shoulders back, just let them relax. Relax your arms, your stomach muscles, every muscle. As you relax, allow yourself to feel the pull of the balloon, lifting you almost off the ground.

3. When you are doing this well you have perfect posture. The shoulders are straight and in the right position (they won't take an un-naturally forced back position like we sometimes do when someone tells us to 'keep your shoulders back'), the stomach is pulled in just the right amount, you are light on your feet - relaxed and comfortable - nothing is forced.

4. If this is done consciously for a time it will become a habit - just like my bad posture habit. You'll find that, after a few times, when you picture the balloon tied to your head, your body immediately relaxes and you are in 'perfect posture' and balance.

I hope you'll try it. I think you'll find that it works.

WE FIT 2

2009-01-24T11:25:00.005-07:00

For you who, like me, are trying to learn how to do the various things in Wii fit, I thought I'd pass on the things I think I've learned that seem to have helped me.

It has helped me to remember that the only thing Wii Fit "see's", I think, is where my weight is shifted to, as reflected by the balance board. So leaning, or bending, or such is only effective if it is reflected by a shift in weight at my feet.

So, for example, when I do the hoola hoop, I concentrate on being sure as I move my hips, that I feel my weight shift from left toes to right toes to right heel to left heel to left toes, etc. I think that must be how the program knows that my hips are moving in a circle. When I lean to catch another hoop, I have found it's more important that my weight shifts to the right or left than it is how far I am leaning in that direction.

I have a hard time maintaining my balance. I feel myself teetering and tottering by the way my weight shifts as felt by my feet on the Wii Balance Board. Balance seems to be all important in some of the activities. It has helped me, although I'm still really poor at it, to consciously be sure I am putting weight on my big toes and little toes. The other toes seem to follow suite.

That idea is especially true when doing the ski slalom or the ski jump, because the speed is determined by shifting your weight to your toes. So, I seem to be more successful at keeping my balance if I shift my weight to the front or right or left by pressing down with my big and little toes or by shifting my hips left or right rather than by leaning a lot, which puts me off balance.

Well, I know you're all doing much better than I am at this, but it makes me feel important if I can sound like I know something. I have to admit I'm enjoying doing it, even if it does still insult me by saying things like, "this obviously is not your forte, do you find yourself tripping when you walk?" I've decided the remote didn't go through somebodies TV screen because it slipped out of their hand. They got mad and threw it because they were insulted.

WE FIT

2009-01-19T19:54:00.003-07:00

Dawn has been doing WII FIT for several months. She has recorded nearly 200 hours, or at least that is her goal by her birthday on March 1st. She does a variety of the activities every morning at about 6 or 6:30. It took awhile for her to begin to see results of the hard work, but she stuck to it every day without fail and the results now are really very impressive.

I don’t know how much weight she has lost, she doesn’t talk about her weight to me, but I do know her clothes don’t fit and I’m probably facing the purchase of a new wardrobe. The really surprising thing to me is the way her body has kind of re-structured itself. She really looks good. She may still be a bit over-weight but she looks trim and stylish and in shape.

I’m so proud of her for doing it. I know it isn’t easy to get up every morning and do that for about 9 months of days in a row (excluding Sundays). It takes a lot of determination and courage – tenacity. Another word for tenacity is stubborn. I’ve been called stubborn or bull-headed more times than I can count. Maybe we’re alike in that regard, Dawn and I. I like the sound of tenacity better than stubborn and bull-headed, I think. I’ve learned that this family has a lot of that, tenacity that is, and now I understand better where you all got it.

And Dawn is continuing on, day after day. It is going to be a very interesting journey to see what happens. And, believe it or not, she has impressed me so that I decided to do it to. So I started a few days ago and I have recorded about 13 hour’s total. Hey, that’s a start. I’m determined too. I want to be productive and do some worthwhile things for a long time yet, and it takes good health and energy to do that. It’s worth some effort if we can see that happen for both of us.

I’m looking forward, too, to getting on-line with WII FIT and playing games or competing with my grandkids and other members of the family, them in their house and me in mine. Actually, a good part of my exercises so far have been doing the activities that I can do with the kids – and beat them, like the one where you hit the soccer ball with your head and dodge the panda and the shoes, the ski slalom and the ski jump - - and the hoola hoop. I’m going to practice bowling too.

Maybe we can have a tournament at the family reunion – grampa, Grandma and the parents against the kids. You better watch out though, the old man is doing pretty well on some of those things. I’m practicing to win.

Learn with Joy

2009-01-19T14:10:00.002-07:00

Referencing my notes about not telling the truth when I was allowed to take the car the first time, there is a wonderful verse in the Book of Mormon, Jacob 4:3 that teaches something about all that. It reads:

...and we labor diligently to engraven these words upon plates, hoping that our beloved brethren and our children will receive them with thankful hearts, and look upon them that they may learn with joy wnd not with sorrow...

I knew without a doubt when I was 15 years old that I should tell the truth. I had been taught many times how important that was. Obviously, it hadn't sunk in very deep for I lied. If only I had been wise enough to believe and follow what I had been taught, and simply told the truth. If I had learned to tell the truth by being taught I would have learned with joy, but because I had to experience the consequences of not telling the truth before I would believe what I was taught, I learned with a good deal of sorrow.

I wish I'd told the truth.

2009-01-18T20:02:00.012-07:00

I found myself thinking the other day about a time when I was about 15. I guess this memory came back as a result of thinking about driving well.

In those days in Idaho kids learned to drive farm vehicles when they were very young and were allowed to get a driver’s license at 14, as I remember – no drivers training. My parents owned a 1941 Hudson – a big black car. I had permission to use the car and go with my friends to a movie in Preston, 15 miles away – my first time to be trusted with the family car on my own with my friends. I was pretty excited and thoughtlessly invited a car-full of friends; Ed from Clifton, LaVel from Dayton (I had told my parents I was taking them), but then I invited Alvin from Weston, and Harry from way up Weston Canyon about 30 miles from our house, and not on the way to Preston. I didn’t tell my parents I had added Alvin and Harry. I was afraid now to tell them how far I’d need to drive.

So, I picked up the friends and we went to a movie and then to a hamburger joint for a hamburger and a shake. All as planned – correct and proper.

I’m not sure what time we left Preston, but I remember very clearly, and still painfully, that it was nearly 2:30 am when I finally finished delivering everyone to their homes and arrived home myself. I knew I was in trouble when I saw that the light in my parent’s upstairs bedroom was on. My bedroom was across the hall from theirs.

I entered the back door of the house without a sound, and climbed the stairs (avoiding every stair that squeaked for I knew them all). The stairs went halfway up in one direction and then turned and went the opposite direction to the top where there was a landing and the entrances to the two bedrooms.

You know of the story of the man who fell off the roof of a high building. As he passed the second floor window he said, "Well, so far so good".

I had now reached the halfway point on the stairs but hadn’t turned the corner. I hadn’t made a sound. The back door had closed silently enough and I had taken my shoes off so I could cross the linoleum kitchen floor quietly. I had successfully negotiated the stairs – not a squeak. (In retrospect, I’m sure my Mother had to have been impressed at how very well I had done.) I reached the halfway point, as I said, took a deep breath, and prepared to turn and work my way up the second flight of stairs, saying to myself, “Well, so far so good”.

I turned and saw my Mother ….

It occurs to me that I should tell you a bit about my Mother. She was truly a wonderful person: kind, understanding, and loving. She was very kind to the farm animals and would never swat a fly if she could find a way to shoo it out of the house. She had babied me shamefully all of my life so far. She would always prepare a special dish of potato salad for me because I didn’t like onions, bake pumpkin pie often because it was my favorite, scold me carefully for running up the stairs because it might not be good for my heart, and protect me from anything that might not be good for her little boy. But, on the other hand, at this moment, there on the landing, halfway up the stairs, I remembered the time, out in the cow corral when I was 6 years old or so, my Mother with a long, green willow in her right hand, holding my left hand in her left hand, and tanning my behind as I ran around her at top speed – and my heart went to my throat and sweat broke out on my brow once again.

Well, I turned and there she was, standing at the top of the stairs with her hands on her hips…

I saw no mercy. I’m sure that 10 minutes earlier she and dad had both been deeply worried that I might have had a serious accident (things you imagine are always serious when you don’t know where or how your child is, especially at two in the morning). I suspect they had been worried that I might be laying somewhere in a wreck, hurt or worse. But not now. Not as I stood there on the stairs, not bleeding, not hurt, not showing any concern for anyone but myself, and looking up at her. All those tender and worried feelings had suddenly turned to anger. How could I have done this to them? How could I possibly be so insensitive? Why would I treat them this way? And worse, what might I have been up to until this time of the morning. What kind of sins was this kid up to, after all?

So…she stood there her hands on her hips, and said…

I wish I could tell you the tone in her voice. Ominous? I thought so. Menacing? It was to me.

She said, “Where do you think you’ve been until this hour of the morning?

Well now, my Mother is a very intellegent woman, but you have to admit, looking back, that she was probably not performing at her peak. That was not the best question in town. I’ve asked myself, “Had I been thinking clearly, which I wasn’t, how should I have answered that without being a smart-aleck and making things worse?” I have found no answer. Maybe you can help me. Maybe you’ll face that question or a similar one sometime before you grow up.

You may be wondering what I said. Well, you know me. I would surely have answered with a high degree of intellegence for a boy my age. Something she could quote to her friends for years to come. I said - - - “I dun no”.

Now there was the long term and very telling mistake. There was the mistake I have had to live with. But for me the dye was cast. “Did you go to a movie?” “Yes”. “Did you have a hamburger?” “Yes”. “Where’d you go then?” “I dun no”. Why’d it take so long to get home?” “I dun no”. “Did you get in trouble?” “No”. “Is the car ok?” “Yes”. And now more ominous and menacing than before, “Then where have you been?”

Now this is my great opportunity. All I have to do now is simply tell the truth. “I invited Alvin Maughan and Harry Lemmon and it took a long time to take them home.” She’d have said, “Well, I wish you had told us what you were going to do”. I’d have said, “I’m sorry”. She would have hugged me and we’d have gone to bed.

So, what did I say? I stuck by my guns. I couldn't bend. I'd never break. I said, “I dun no”.

Well, she turned and went to bed, and I went to bed. There were no hugs. No green willow sticks. I lay there a long time before I went to sleep. At first I blamed everything on her. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Then sometime that night I came to realize how very foolish and childish I had been – that I had lied – that I should have told my parents before I went what I was going to do, where I was going to go. They would have probably not let me drive so far, but that would have protected me in many ways, and I’d have been home on time and had fond memories. And most importantly, I would have earned my parents respect. I didn’t ask for the car again for a long time.

I learned a very important lesson that night. I haven't always had the courage to live it, but it was a great lesson. I've had similar lessons that have reinforced what I learned that night. I think I have come to know how very important it is. I learned that night, very early in the morning, how to just face the music and be honest – tell the truth.

Driving Well #4 - and the last.

2009-01-11T18:09:00.009-07:00

I have two thoughts following my comments on Driving Well.

FIRST. It is important to learn, practice, and apply good driving skills.

We all drive many miles. We drive in potentially dangerous situations, it can’t be avoided. We will use the good skills we’ve learned in tough situations only if we have thought about and practiced them enough that we apply them without thinking when a difficult situation happens.

For those reasons it is probably very important to give young people every opportunity to drive when a parent is present (after getting a license of course). And for all of us to think about and practice good skills so they become a habit

The simple things I’ve written about in Driving Skills #1,#2, and #3 have proven to be very helpful for me. It is very satisfying to feel confident and in control when things get tight and I find myself automatically looking ahead for a white line in the road, and feeling my mind and body take control of the car to keep it in its proper place. It is a very good feeling to see or "feel" the passengers in the car I am driving relax and feel calm as I drive. It’s unsettling, and my fault as the driver, to have a passenger to my right “putting on the brakes” or gripping the door handle when we approach a curve or a car up ahead.

My advice: Learn good skills, practice them every time you drive. It will bless your life, and maybe even save it someday.

SECOND. Life is a lot like driving a vehicle.

I wrote that if you look ahead at the white line your mind and body seem to automatically take control of the car in a safe and secure manner. So it is at school, at work, at home, at church, and at play. If we will look at the white line that marks the path we’ve decided to follow, out there as far as we can see, and learn, practice, and apply the skills needed to follow it, our mind and body will help us in miraculous ways to stay safely on course when the going gets tough, when we have important decisions to make, or when we are tempted to stray from that path.

If we develop by constant practice the habit of (driving), acting, behaving, working, playing, or worshiping as though someone we respect and love is (sitting in the back seat) about 3 feet back of us and 3 feet to the right, we will be prepared when the going gets tough to stay in control, to apply the skills we’ve practiced all this time, and we’ll find ourselves safe and secure, and not hurting ourselves or the ones we love.

My advice: Practice every day. Think, meditate, and plan how to act in situations that might happen with friends, family, others. Decide now what to do if a possible situation should happen. Decide now what to say if someone approaches you with something you don’t want. Decide how to escape from an embarrassing or compromising situation when suddenly you feel trapped. You might say “I think I'll do better after I've had some experience” or “that was new to me”, or the like. Neal A. Maxwell said, “The only way to get experience is to – get it.” Imagining, thinking deeply, planning, and preparing are ways to have experience, and to prepare, so that we will do well the first time, and every time.

I'm your Great Grampa, your Grampa or your Dad - and I recommend it.

Driving Well #3

2009-01-04T09:59:00.013-07:00

When I was in the army I was stationed for more than a year at Camp Hero, Montauk Point, Long Island, New York. This was a small artillery training camp. I was the company clerk. I’ll tell you more about that sometime. We were quite isolated there. I remember on one occasion when we were visited (inspected, I guess) by the commanding general from New York. The only way to get there from New York was to drive 130 miles or fly in a small, single engine plane, using a local civilian airport located about 20 miles from the Camp. He flew in, came alone because the plane had room only for the pilot and one passenger, and was picked up at the airport by the Camp Commander, Major Broomfield. When it was time to return him to the airport I was told to drive him there.

He had apparently stayed longer than he had planned because he was very anxious to leave and in a hurry to get to the airport. I was very intimidated by him even though he pretty much ignored me – no, he totally ignored me. He sat in the back seat of the car and didn’t speak. I wanted to please him, and I remember how carefully I started out so he wouldn’t feel anything, how I watched the speed on the curves so he wasn’t pulled this way and that, how I brought the car to a stop so there was no jerking when it came to a stop, etc. After two or three miles of this treatment he cleared his throat loudly and I assumed he was saying “hurry up”, so I did. I drove as fast as I dared – I thought to myself “the police probably wouldn’t stop this car with him in it”. We passed through a small city on the way to the airport, the two lane highway being the main street, going too fast. A police officer, standing by his parked car, stepped out a bit and angrily waved at me to slow down. The general cleared his throat again. He got out of the car at the airport and walked directly to the plane – not a word.

I thought a lot about that later, and over the years – that is, I thought about how carefully I had tried to drive with the general in the back seat. I found myself practicing the same things I had tried to do when he was there. I practiced starting from a stopped position so a passenger with his eyes closed wouldn’t know we were moving. I practiced judging my speed on approaching curves so that I was at the right speed to round the curve without ever using the brakes. I practiced stopping so that a passenger with his eyes closed would not know when the car came to a stop, etc.

I’ve driven many miles since then. I covered the state of Idaho and eastern Oregon and Washington for five years as a sales person. In the engineering businesses my projects have always been scattered over a large area, and I have traveled some significant distance most days. Practicing those things became a habit long ago.

When Dawn and I were on our mission in Pennsylvania I was given the assignment by the Mission President to work with the missionaries who had problems driving. I had them practice the same skills as I sat in the passenger seat, and taught them to always drive as they would if the Mission President was sitting in the back seat. (To be continued)

Driving Well #2

2009-01-03T11:44:00.004-07:00

Now....imagine yourself driving a paved but narrow, two lane, winding canyon road like you've seen so many of. You are anxious to reach your destination so, while you are determined to drive safely, you would like to move along at a good speed.

So, you apply the roof (rag on old fence) rule: You focus you eyes on one of the white lines in the road, as far ahead as you can clearly see it. You won't do this continually for a long time, but you do as you approach curves, as oncoming traffic approaches you, as you approach and pass a slower moving vehicle, etc. You find that your peripheral vision gives you adequate information about approaching vehicles or vehicles you are passing. You also find that your mind and your arms, hands, legs and feet work quite automatically to keep your car centered nicely in the traffic lane, or in whatever position it needs to be. You will also notice that, as you approach a curve or car up ahead, your car assumes the perfect speed and you seldom need to touch the brake peddle.

I discovered this magic idea long ago, quite by accident. I started thinking about it as a kid as I watched my Dad plant sugar beet seeds. He would tie a cloth from Mothers rag drawer on the fence at either end of the field, marking the alignment where he wanted the beet rows to be (moving the rag the correct distance each time he arrived at the end of the field again). Then he would take his position on the drill (in those days the drill was a horse drawn, two wheel rig with a box to hold the seed and four tubes which carried the seed by gravity to the ground where it fell into four grooves cut by circular disks) on a metal seat on top of the box, his head being higher than the horses heads. He would then center the drill on the first flag, the flag being at his back, focus his eyes on the rag at the other end of the field (far enough away as to be barely visible), and cluck his tongue or say "gettyup" to the horses, always calling them by name.

He had them well trained and they moved at a slow even pace. He never looked up. He seemingly never took his eyes off the far away rag. And so he went all day long, and day after day. We were never to draw his attention from what he was doing. If Mother wanted him for dinner she would stand silently and wait until he had completed a "round" and was back at the beginning end of the field. And, to everyone's astonishment, when the beet plants began to grow and were large enough to see the rows, they were unfailingly straight as a string the full width of the field. No one had sugar beet rows quite as straight and true as Dad did. Straight rows were important in raising sugar beets because it made the work much simpler all the rest of the season, and protected the plants from being cut out and destroyed by weeding, ditching and harvesting equipment as the work progressed through the year.

I have concluded, as I've thought about it, that he probably didn't ever think about the horses in particular, or worry about where they were going. His mind and arms took care of keeping them on course quite automatically. The only thing he needed to do was "keep his eye on the goal".

We had a large lawn around the house in those days and it was my job to mow it regularly. I remember practicing the roof rule by picking a spot at the other end of the lawn and focusing my eyes on it as I pushed the mower across the lawn. I refused to look down at the mower, or to check to see if I was leaving a strip not mowed. I was amazed at how well it worked, and got better as I practiced. (To be continued)

Driving Well #1

2009-01-03T10:35:00.003-07:00

This might be as much about our wonderful body as it is about driving a vehicle.

Imagine yourself driving in a heavy rain on a busy road. The wipers are on fast, the trucks drown you when they are near or ahead of you, you can't see well, and your shoulders, arms and hands are tense. You notice that when you glance at a truck that is at the side of your car the car, seemingly on its own volition, swerves toward the truck, so you avoid looking, but that worries you too. Now there's a big truck on either side of you. You see them, you feel them, you try really hard not to glance at them, but how do you know what they are doing if you don't? Then, for some reason, you look at one of the white lines that define your lane. Your eys follow the white line up ahead as far as you can see it, and you stay focused on it. You notice that your car steadies itself in the center of your lane. You become aware that you have both trucks in your peripheral vision and you can tell they are staying steadily in their lane as well. Your shoulder and arm muscles relax a little. Then you glance at one of the trucks, and your car moves quickly toward that truck. You quickly look back at the white line and your car moves back to the center of the lane as if under its own power. Now you stay focused on the white line and you relax again. You approach a curve but you stay focused on the white line, you can see that both trucks are steady in their lane, your car moves steadily around the curve, staying centered in your lane. Now you feel confident enough that you speed up a little and pull ahead of the trucks. (To be continued)

2008-12-29T15:15:00.006-07:00

Some things I've learned about the Atonement.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, "The Lord is in the details of our lives". I've come to know that is true, much more than I used to think. In the smallest things; if it matters to me, it matters to Him. For example: If a child loses a boot and prays to find it, and finds it - that is an answer to prayer - a miracle. I may feel too 'grown up', but if I lose a boot and pray to find it, I believe the Lord will help me find it - and that's a miracle, too.

We are taught that the Lord dealt with us, each one, in a very personal way while He suffered in the Garden of Gethsemene and on the Cross. He came to know us even more intimately that before, and because He knows and understands us, and why we do what we do, He knows exactly how to help us. I believe that He will see that the way is prepared perfectly for us if we will have the determination and courage to follow His lead, which is given to us by the Spirit directly, and through our parents and leaders

It seems to me the Lord does everything that He can for each one of us (His children) to help us get back to Him, short of interfering in our right to choose, our agency. It doesn't matter the mistakes we may have made or the sins we may have committed, if we will repent. What we have done will undoubtedly affect how difficult it is to get back, but it does not, I think, affect His determination to help us. He is there to keep the way open and to help us back. He'll not ever take away our right to choose, but He will do everything else that can be done to help us.

It is my experience that the Lord is quick to forgive. If we will repent; stop doing it, or start doing it, as the case may be, and promise to continue doing so, He will forgive us, as often as we need forgiveness. We, of course, walk on dangerous ground if we keep repenting and repeating the sin again and again - not because He gives up on us, He never will - maybe the great danger is because our habits and weaknesses grow stronger with each repetition and it becomes more difficult to change. I am convinced the Lord is quick to forgive and allow us back on the straight and narrow path.

So, let us suppose we repent, and are forgiven, and we are back on the path - then invariably, it seems, other things begin to happen: Satan doesn't give up! He hates us, and is clever and determined. When we repent and the Lord forgives us, satan fights even harder to turn us around and have us fail again. He will do anything to discourage us; he whispers that it's too late, we aren't worthy to be forgiven, what we've done is too serious, we've failed too many times, how could we expect the Lord to love us after what we've done. He whispers that we might as well give up - it's too late. All these awful feelings we have to deal with make us feel we're not forgiven, after all. But just maybe it is quite the contray, Might it not be that satan is angry because we have repented and the Lord has forgiven us, and he is determined to turn us around to repeat our mistakes.

Then, at some point as we continue to progress along the path, it is necessary for us to deal with the consequences of our past actions. Experiences related in the scriptures suggest that this may take place immediately or it might be some time before it happens. As we learn more and more we begin to realize that this process of having to deal with the consequences of our actions is a great gift, and is an important and wonderful process. It gives us a chance to 'make up' in a small way for our mistakes. It gives us a chance to do all we can to make things right with Him and other people. Sometimes it is very difficult, and it is hard to remember that, as we suffer the consequences of things we've done, we can, I believe, still be on the path - it is not an indication that we were mistaken about being forgiven - we can continue to progress and grow through it all, and our faith will sustain us and help us to know that this is a necessary part of the Plan - and I am convinced that it does not suggest that we are not forgiven.

And little by little as this process of repentance, forgiveness, discouragement, and dealing with the consequences takes place, the sweet feelings of confidence and peace return and we find that we really can feel truly happy, after all. And it is such a sweet and wonderful feeling.

The ways of the Lord are truly majestic. Peter wrote, "...we were eyewitnesses of His majesty". (2 Peter 2:16) We are all eyewitnesses of His majesty as we realize the great blessings of repentance and forgiveness.

Making your bed - double meaning

2008-12-20T21:15:00.003-07:00

I made the bed this morning. I don't do that often enough. I do make a pretty good bed though.
I think I learned during basic training in 1953. If the bed didn't satisfy the squad leader during inspection every morning it was likely you'd be on KP (Kitchen Police) that day. I didn't like KP.

The key to making a bed that will pass inspection is to start with the bottom sheet; pulled tight, no wrinkles. Then the top sheet; same rules. Then any cover that is between the top sheet and bed spread; same rule. (The bed spread in basic training was an army blanket). The next thing is to place the pillow(s), making sure they are layed nice and straight, patted down even with each other so they are nice and smooth across the bed - looks like one pillow when they're covered. Now, when the bed spread is placed it will lay nice and straight without a lot of straightening or fuss. Be sure the side and the end of the bed spread that will be most likely seen by the inspector, or others, has the edge at the right distance from the floor and nice and straight. Really quite simple; just as easy as having wrinkles and bumps. It saved me from a lot of KP.

There should be a lesson in this. Maybe it suggests that what really matters isn't what's on the surface but what is underneath. If all is well inside it will show in our words and actions, and even, or maybe especially, in our appearance.